all I truly have

So what do I do with that reminding? I sit down quietly and observe the miracle of each breath. Before my life will be taken away I wish to feel it and be filled by it. Consciousness is all that I truly have. So I have decided not to think and focus on the death that awaits me and wants to claim me hovering over me.

Now let me tell you about my breath. I could not be connected with that breath and had a very hard time to focus on it. So I became a beggar who wished to feel and break the code of that great secret. I realized as a beggar I could only beg, so I have learned to beg in so many ways.

First I was begging crying. Then I cried and cried trying to impress whoever could hear me. I realized that those that have ears could not really hear and that made me first sad, and then I broke up laughing saying to myself, "How can it be that those who have ears cannot really hear?"

Then I realized they don't really care to hear. My crying and complaints they had of their own, which was too much to bear. And in fact, they couldn't stand to hear me cry so they distanced themselves away.